nobody has to stay

7:03pm: double header
holy ssssshhhhhhhipwreck. it's a new post. and a new post of a new cd nonetheless. how long have i held out from wasting bandwidth like this? heh i'm really bored on the train ride home.. ;)

it kinda goes all over the place because i do not have alot of music on this machine (well, with regards to the 1/2 terabyte elsewhere..
( transitional architectures on disappearing landscapes )

7:52pm: due to ubiquitous permiation of marketing prostitution..
due to ubiquitous permiation of marketing prostitution..
my comments on myspace are approval only herein. go ahead and try to sell me something. i'll be more than happy to demonstrate my market-unfriendliness. go demonstrate what a tool you are to some other schmuck who thinks he's gonna get laid by some 4 year old porn photo who's probably already off'd herself for have nothing useful to contribute to the world but a deepening of the infection that is UNWANTED saturation of advertisements for products we aren't going to buy from your oh-so-hot-right-now web 2.0 bullshit.deception and greed are destroying the quality of life slowly but surely, and we've only ourselves to blame for playing right into the hand, living our "american" lives of bliss in non-analytical day-in day-out me first idiocy. i can't wait until we melt the icecaps and all life as we know it on earth ceases, because on that day that the last few people choke off their deeath rattle, the final moment of humanity may gleen finally the emptiness of such a soulless system that cares nothing about you, your family, your neighborhood, save what capital there is to be gained by keeping you good consumers from thinking with anything but a spent dollar or 20,000. could we stop ourselves from being our own demise? sure. but greed is a catalyst that knows no equal as the whorish reaction of existance consumes hope to produce more business. thus, find a way to jam the culture of greed and ego, and do your part to be a savior of what little good might survive our fatal ignorance. fuck greed, fuck ignorance, fuck "just trying to get mine" and do something that might make a difference before you fall off the cliff with the rest of the sunday-circular-lemmings. you have to burn in order to shine. time for the flames to arise. FACKLEN!!

now to get off my soapbox and back into my 17mpg SUV of the evening le sigh..

use someone else to sell your demise, if i am going to destroy your soul and kill everyone you love, i'd rather do it more directly. better yet do it yourself so i can plant a tree or help those who can't buy into our american "dream" instead of wasting my time and energy on the vacuous waste of egocentricity, greed, and vanity you fuckers are selling.

vomitous human condition. medicate heavily with a dose of foward thinking and evolve already, or natural selection is bound to overlook us.

don't fuck the guy trying to get laid. save the gene pool fool

1:18am: someone explain to me why i worked 12 hours today?  i LOVE getting home after 11pm.  AWESOME DUDE!!~!!!!@!@!~!~!~@ i didn't actually want to do anything with my friday night.  atleast House was good.  as was dinner. there was eye candy galore on the train, and the soundtrack was something like Oval, Styrofoam, Signer, etc.  I feel mix cd coming on.

i reeeeeeally llike eating cheese.

7:46am: ok ok ok peripherals, i went back to WinXP. now there is no excuse, you will work damnite. and working so far is the sprint card, making the train ride bearable. internet anywhere action, dude. rock out. or something like that, or completely different. both, and/or neither. w00t i need more coffee. :) anyway enough drivel for now. check back later, i might even write something almost worth reading.

8:36pm: need some musical help
it seems all of my renegade soundwave is too love worn to play anymore, has anyone a copy of soundclash they would be willing to send me? i've bought this album, so i've the right to have mp3s, so you are not aiding and abetting music industry copyright infringement-terrorism. that's right, no gitmo for you for giving me the rhythm of ages. whaddya say? i'm dying to hear it :(

7:42am: riding intercity trains, dressed in european grey
train ride soundtrack for the morning:

'communicate like distant stars'

01. Ultravox - Hiroshima Mon Amour (5:14)
02. broadcast - message from home (4:59)
03. Blonde Redhead - Pink Love (6:20)
04. Aroah - Flower That Thrives On Neglect (2:09)
05. Charmparticles - Gas Gauge (4:29)
06. Joanna Newsom - This Side of the Blue (5:21)
07. Psychic TV - Translucent Carriages (3:21)
08. Qntal - Floris E Blanchaflor (5:19)
09. Silke Bischoff - Phoenix from the flames (3:58)
10. The Cassandra Complex - Realm of the Senseless (5:08)
11. neon judgement - awful day (4:36)
12. Click Click - The Sack (Remix) (5:49)
13. Pram - Flesh (2:13)
14. Billy Bragg - Jeanne (2:28)
15. The Mountain Goats - Snow Crush Killing Song (2:42)
16. Deerhoof - Apple Bomb (4:14)
17. Boys Life - Radio Towers (6:46)
18. A Northern Chorus - Red Carpet Blues (3:43)

perfect for a snowy morning, a friday nonetheless.

went to the doctor again the day before last, the sinuses want an antibiotic of a bit more hardcore nature, thus it has been made so. stomach not too happy with the idea, but that's just like life, no? nose despite face, etc. heh. yesterday was spent looming on the couch half in and out of wakefulness, long enough to catch colbert on bill o'reilly. now that was funny.

also started the process of finaly paying off that !@#!$ ticket, and getting my license back. just a phone call to make this afternoon and i'll be driving again by tomorrow. then off to court on tuesday to say "ok i !@#$ed up on the car insurance, here is proof that i've been insured since" and i'll be good to go there, after a few more bucks aside, i am sure.

natalia called and asked me to see if i could get her W2s from wendy's. i guess having the ability to drive may just facilitate that. not that this is why i got my license back, that has more to do with mom prodding me to get off my ass and do the right thing. collateral benefits for those of us who aren't currently in north america i suppose, should i decide to go and grab them. i don't see why not, unless this snow doesn't give up, in which case US Mail will have to suffice. :)

the passing towns are somewhat unfamiliar today with all the white everywhere, i think we're approaching long branch. and half through some blonde redhead. w00t. well, enough morning rambling for now, until next time i feel like LJ..

6:04pm: so the winter comes when we grow strong
i hear your words and melt like snow..

now i am one of those uber nerdy bastards with the sprint broadband pcmcia card. i choped my telephone rate in half and ree filed the excess budget surpluss with something i'll acutlaly enjoy using. score. having a lazy day today, bout to shower and maybe go out in hoboken or the
NYC. what you think liz? I'd offer to go visit taina but something must have hapened and she can't make it, or something like that =p (jk) maybe a shower will see my desire out. or atleast wash out the remains of a 60 sommething degree day of sun. heheh

9:03pm: i still feel
for love or something like it

my most beloved of words
spend their days in shadows
where only glimpses may be caught
from the corner of the eye;
as an apparition

what fear have we of ghosts
kings and legends of days past
innumerable days of suns
each with its own heroic rise
and the eventual tragedy of each set

no, i am not chased away by history
reflected in the eyes of the present
but of my own sinkng
down below your horizons
with no allotment of time
to shine and bring you warmth

my words are not those words
not nearly as bold nor as gentle
as intention where it lay
waiting in a bed of sad lives
together cast in reluctant silence
the dying dream: you hear my soul
and don't walk away

3:48pm: there's gotta be something i can look forward to, something which can muster a smile on my face for anticipating its wonderfulness. there's no dream in reach, i don't have anything to dream about and existance is dragging
30 and very single. ugh

3:39pm: isolation. melancholy. lonely. sad. fighting off the "why bother" feeling. not very successfully. why am i depressed all of a sudden? i don't know.

9:24pm: covenant - rising sun
my eyes grow darker
can barely see your face
yesterday I tried to belong
you know I won't stay that long

in a time of lust and liars
I learned to trust my own desires
touch me don't be ashamed
I just don't know how to play that game

in pride and grace we rise with the sun
with the morning light
we just run and run
the good old days that imaginary place
with the rising sun
we forget and we embrace

my eyes grow darker
guide me now
can barely see your face
just lead the way

my days grow longer
can barely find my trace
one more day I try to be strong
you know I won't last that long

for a time I feed the fires
I search and seek while time expires
hold me I'm so afraid
I just don't know how to keep this flame

n pride and grace we rise with the sun
with the morning light
we just run and run
the good old days that imaginary place
with the rising sun
we forget and we embrace

my eyes grow darker
guide me now
can barely see your face
just lead the way

2:24pm: written friday night
pyjamas, cigarette. 2am approaching rapidly on the porch. garbagemen getting an eyeful. garbage collection at 1:45am? so this is hoboken.
four sanitary tons of steel and unidentified semiorganic rot, plastic, and all the bacteria that's fit for such a grand place. or was that grand ave? 3## to be exact.
temperature encoaching 50 but holding steady, the brisk air hiding somewhere behind the lingering stench of refuse and the cigarette smoke borne upon the breeze of my respiration
the brownstones are drowsy stories of loitering delerium chanting vespers of inebriation mimicing closely the gibberish of those hiccuping home to hangover, but soon enough only the highway whispers far off in the distance, a thriving bloodstream through which cells are flowing, bearing life for some organism much greater than yet largely unknow to this shivering "author"
so it came to pass that night slipped from comfort under pains of labor, pregnant with its own demise, a struggle against the birth of dawn. drawing closer to the grand finale waiting on the business end of this gestation period: breach birth! the skies crack open. darkness was so proud to strangulate but irrepresible beams of eventuality, of death's death, those golden rays will not be denied their triumph, forebearer of hope, and some pounding headaches for the miserable bastards that kicked over the trash cans a few minutes ago. now that my resevoir of imagery is drained i've only a cold pair of feet remaining. time for bed.
good night you, wherever you are, who ever you might be.

9:48pm: summer is gone, but the sun is still warm. today was lengthy but friday draws nearer.  i'm secretly waxing poetic over this past spring tonight.  been listening to slowdive, read all of the stranger by camus on the train tonight. i think i'll be smoking a cigarette and then putting to rest these thoughts and this body as well, so as to prevent dwelling in this place very long.

9:53pm: you have to burn
in order to shine

1:00pm: 30 is the new 20. don't worry, keep trying, you'll be cool someday.

12:56pm: 2 months on since i last posted. i am still alive, just haven't had much to say.

9:57pm: i wrote and this appeared
another morning, another train, sun averse to falling rain
grey skies shroud their secret shine but in such silence i know what's mine
faces, places, action, design, bridging each river, the flowing of time
i'm drawing closer to distant stations you'll find
is there a train of thought that drops me off in your mind?
i'd stay for a while if you'll show me around
and should time permit begin breaking the ground
we'll build a refuge, a fortress, a playground, a college
and join in the wedding of feeling and knowledge
as much as we can til the end of the day
when i'll take your hand please ask me to stay

pt. 2.

rise and set, every sun has its day
thus follows the moon that self-same way
time, they called it, as it swirled in its currents
no earthly will could hope serve as deterrent
each of hope and despair, each of hatred and love
in time it all either sinks or floats gently above
time, they call it, and i sit here and wait
as time marches on with its martial gait
moment by moment each miles upon miles
i watch and await for the hour's arrival
because everything passes, each fancy, each style
and none of this is vanity when beholding your smile
just give me a moment to stare through your eyes
though the evening is here i'll watch the sun rise

addendum for "guess that's not happening tonight" fun-time

as for now the face of the sun is a myth
but what light may be will come; and warmth along with
should some new dawn rise, i'm promised to keep
this thus lonesome station lest i succumb to sleep
and at a loss of vision when all the colors emerge
to ignite exploding skies when might darkness be purged
despite horror of truth: it may never well come
but my love is of hopeless Cause, never to be won

yeah.

9:58am: watch the waves so far away
they're washing cross the paths that i have made

leaving all my sins i turn away
like soaring birds i watch my sorrows play

don't you know
i've left and gone away
you're knocking on the door i closed today
and everything looks brighter
the waves they just soothe my pain away

it felt so good to see the sun
i'll choose my time before i choose the one

floating cross the waves the silence runs
my thoughts can go but now my sorrows done

12:45am: maybe i will get to know sheyney over time.. there's a distant bleep just on the edge of the radr. ;)

7:39pm: well now, it seems we've located the cause of my bouts of insomnia. no more "i can't sleep for me". no more friggin strattera. maybe now i won't get all intense and nearly obsessed with shit. progress! yay. and if i do get a lil singleminded.. (uh.. hahah) in the future, i vow to fight until i am comfy with my intensity level, nevermind what you think i ought.. heh ;)

7:28pm: joanna newsom
Sadie, white coat,
carry me home.
Bury this bone,
take this pinecone.

Bury this bone
to gnaw on it later; gnaw on the telephone.
'Till then, we pray & suspend
the notion that these lives do never end.

And all day long we talk about mercy:
lead me to water lord, I sure am thirsty.
Down in the ditch where I nearly served you,
up in the clouds where he almost heard you

And all that we built,
and all that we breathed,
and all that we spilt, or pulled up like weeds
is piled up in back;
it burns irrevocably.
(we spoke up in turns,
'till the silence crept over me)

Bless you
and I deeply do
no longer resolute
and I call to you

But the water go so cold,
and you do lose
what you don't hold.

This is an old song,
these are old blues.
This is not my tune,
but it's mine to use.
And the seabirds
where the fear once grew
will flock with a fury,
and they will bury what'd come for you

Down where I darn with the milk-eyed mender
you and I, and a love so tender,
is stretched-on the hoop where I stitch-this adage:
"Bless this house and its heart so savage."

And all that I want, and all that I need
and all that I've got is scattered like seed.
And all that I knew is moving away from me.
(and all that I know is blowing
like tumbleweed)

And the mealy worms
in the brine will burn
in a salty pyre,
among the fauns and ferns.

And the love we hold,
and the love we spurn,
will never grow cold
only taciturn.

And I'll tell you tomorrow.
Sadie, go on home now.
Bless those who've sickened below;
bless us who've chosen so.

And all that I've got
and all that I need
I tie in a knot
that I lay at your feet.
I have not forgot,
but a silence crept over me.
(So dig up your bone,
exhume your pinecone, my sadie)

2:42pm: nothing here. you?

9:10pm: i'm starting to think imma just go to sleep early. i have watched enough tv for one day methinks. damnite, i need to get the car fixed. unfortunately after buying insurance, there isn't much money left for that, and i need to pay for the train plus my medicine. oh well, all in due time. atleast i have insurance again.

3:59pm: Forever you're my foundation
I know I can keep
Told I was good for nothing
Branded a cheat
Now I know why you listen
I can help you anytime
Love is all there is
I wonder what you people do with your lives
Hey!
Oh! I wonder what you people do with your lives
Once more this will be forever
I can't withhold secrets
I know I'm going where the sun always shines
I know my son we've made it
It can't escape my mind
I know my star is a brighter star. brighter star
Forever be in my arms
This could be a myth in the making
Under a spell
Down to ambition
I guess you could even call it a miracle
I see my true love coming
My little bundle of joy
I can help you realise
IT'S US AND US ONLY
I know I'm as good as my neighbour
A starter for ten
I can't promise I will always be with you
I promise I'll always be there
Oh! I wonder what you people do with your lives!
When you find it, you'll feel it
I'll give you all of my love
Hold it, Don't lose it, Misuse it
As long as you believe enough
My mind is multiplying
I have so much to give
I wouldn't estimate you for the way that you want to live
FOREVER!

the charlatans uk

2:37pm: well, i've been sick the last few days, getting better now but not 100%. it's been a ride lemme tell you, my stomache and digestive tract have been all sorts of mucked. blech.

in other news, vonage is history, and i'm looking forward to the new employment. for the time being i am in a holding pattern, and bored out of my mind i might add. i have been running errands all day today as things have been falling behind this week as i've been ill, but i've run out of anything to do. guess it's tv time, ugh.